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The Magpie Sings the Great Depression:
Selections from DeWitt Clinton High School's Literary Magazine, 1929-1942

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There Ought to be a Law

Monroe Jacobson, '37

The Magpie, June 1937, v. 21, n. 2, p. 19.

The world is overcast with shadows. The sun seems to be losing its struggle to supplant the moon. The streets are devoid of life. My heart is heavy and my pocket is light. The doleful whistle of an approaching human creeps around the corner and smites my ear. The sluggish form of my comrade nears me. He too is experiencing sensations similar to mine, for we have just returned from our first "blind date," yes, our first combat with the darker side of the fairer sex.

Herein lies the tale:

Only nine hours before, we had started out on our Great Adventure with shines on our faces and our shoes, and with fastbeating hearts.

The zero moment arrived, the die was cast; the bell was rung; the door opened and the unusually cheerful face of our host lighted up still more as he stepped aside and bade us enter. Stalking us through the anteroom, he shoved us into the livingroom. (There is only one way to enter a room containing members of the fair sex and that is to hesitate a second in the doorway, take the room and its inhabitants in with one sweeping glance, and then enter sedately for introductions.) We stopped for a moment to regain our bearings and then the fun began. I was introduced to my "date," a brunette seated at the piano, who rose as the host and I approached. Buckteeth! Oh, gosh. What next? I faintly remembered her saying something to me, but I was too absorbed in my own thoughts to consider an answer. I helped her on with her coat, the house door and the retreat began. First to the Loew's Paradise to see two excellent pictures. We came in at the beginning of a picture entitled "Follow Your Heart" featuring an English operatic star. If I followed my heart, I would have had to dig through the basement to keep up with it on its first lap, for the only thing I saw on the screen was a pair of buckteeth. I sat there watching those teeth till I slipped into a state of lethargy, from which I awoke in time to help her on with her coat. Then to a Chinese eating-place which specialized in not providing rice with the chicken and rice chow mein. She wanted to sit opposite me, but I gently yet firmly seated her on my right, for I wanted to enjoy my chicken rice chow mein née rice in peace. Just then the orchestra began to show signs of life. Leaving the abundantly covered table behind we sallied onto the dance floor. The orchestra struck a new high for irony . "The Way You, Look Tonight." We left the floor and my shine at the end of the number and returned to the chow mein. (I still think that the tea could have been replaced by the soup with no one discerning the difference.) More dancing. More buckteeth. The check, the train ride, and then. . . "So long, it's been a pleasure knowing you. . . " The ride to the neighborhood corner and now my partner-in-woe approaches... "Hello"...."Hello. . ." Silence...more silence. . . "I'll see you tomorrow"... "All right, So long". . . " Home at last" ... Whew!... Wonder where that creaky board is? I'll have the folks down on my ears I find it ... Ho-hum. ... hope I don't dream about those buckteeth!. . . Wait until I lay my hands on the fellow who arranged that date for me.




The Magpie Sings the Great Depression

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